It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
