You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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