I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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