i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We just shotgunned beers for America
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
