Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
