omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
