too bad you live with your parents still
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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