I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Found the puke drawer
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
