I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize