Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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