Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
