so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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