the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
