i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
