I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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