just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize