my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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