I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
