someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
