I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
