i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
