battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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