gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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