great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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