Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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