Tell her she can't have a vagina
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
