the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
