She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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