I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
