she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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