i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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