if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
