Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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