We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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