If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
