U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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