He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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