Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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