I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
