i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
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ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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