gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
