Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
