If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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