eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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