I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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