im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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