Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
