Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
