Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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