im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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