I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
