and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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