I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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