Don't you send me to vm
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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