We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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