I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
