come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
