She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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