I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
