what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
