Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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