there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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