tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
