i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
