Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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