we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
