You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
